Friends of Xcompany????

I'm definitely in a somber mood this morning. Usually an early riser, I lingered in bed for about a half hour and my mind turned in a bad direction. I'm a good worker, constantly running over in my mind what needs to be done at home and at work. This morning, however, my mind turned to a mailing list I had just joined.

I've had an email address on Hotmail since the day I discovered the 'net and that's over ten years now. I have been contacted by the strangest of people from my past over the years and within the last couple of months that I was contacted by a former carpool mate from my longest tenure job. I was at that job for so long that I passed through 3 different carpools and several different members. He had gotten my email address from a list that another former employee had started called 'Friends of Xcompany'. I'm trying to eliminate all possibility that anyone reading this could possibly discover which company this was because of what I'm about to say. Sorry.

I eagerly joined 'Friends of Xcompany' and was given a introduction by the list manager (to which no one responded). I stopped every once in a while to think about posting to the list and the thoughts grew and grew until I realized that if I were to post the typical 'Hi, it's great to see you all again' message, I'd be a huge hypocrite. On the list were several people that caused hell in my life. The corporate atmosphere at Xcompany encouraged back-stabbing and all manner of exploitation. I realized I wasn't really a 'Friend of Xcompany', I hated the place for the way it warped me. Nor could I really say that we'd be a group of Friends from Xcompany because at least one person on the list happily went about getting people fired that they didn't like. In that case I'm not going by rumor but was present at one incident where that person really did that by exaggerating and outright lying to personnel. Now if I had done something like that I would be filled with guilt and I really wouldn't want to be around the people who would have known that. Much less be a happy poster gushing at all my 'friends'.

This morning I realized that over the past few years I've been mentally and emotionally recovering from Xcompany and it's lies and deceit. I could not really blame it all on management except for the fact that management was fully eager to believe anything bad about it's employees from whatever source and no matter how true it was. It was as if everytime one of your kids ratted on the other, you made no attempt to find out what really happened, but punished the kid ratted on. Think of what that would do to the environment of a company and you have Xcompany.

This post was meant to be therapy for me and pretty much it was. I realize now (and always have) that holding a grudge is a waste of my life. However that does conflict with any resolution to be honest and honorable. Whatever it means, it still results in my not being a 'Friend of Xcompany'.